You know,
I've been talking about self-discovery, and "the journey" in my past articles a lot lately. And mind you, it is all about both of those. However, one day as I was driving, a creeping little thought bewildered me. I heard myself ask, "so when will you know you have arrived?"
It made me stop and think for a moment: "Is it when we are 90 years old and on the front porch hand-in-hand with our life's mate, drinking sweet tea and reminiscing about the old times?" "Is it when we have that house or car, or 2.3 children, and the perfect career, and everything hunky-dory?"
Now, my readers, I ask you. Do you ever "arrive" at the end of the journey?
My opinion is that you never do. Yep. Never. I think if you continue to live life instead of just trudging along through it, you will always be on a journey of some sort. I once heard someone put it this way, "when you stop living, you die." So true.
A lot of this has been on my mind because I've been on another journey. Not one of "finding" myself, but more one of "settling" (not in the bad sense of the word) but more like becoming comfortable, once again.
I met a guy about 5 months ago that I am mad about! He is wonderful in every sense of the word. He has his quirks, as I do mine....well, as we all do, but I love those quirks too. It makes him who he is, and I like him a lot! Well, truth be known, I am deeply in love with him.
I've been wound up in all the wonderfulness, that I haven't written in a while. But other than that, I have had a lot of other things going on. Like...
1. I sold my house!!! YAY! Finally! (I'm still waiting on a closing date, but its SOLD, contract and all)
2. I've moved my ENTIRE life that I had built in Alabama to Georgia. Man! It feels gooood to have everything in one place finally. But it is still bittersweet to let go of the only life I've known and built with sweat, blood and tears.
3. I've officially moved in with this wonderment of a man. Yeah. I know. For some of you skeptic readers out there, you are going to have your opinions, but we all do. In the whole spectrum of time, it hasn't been that long since I met this guy, but I've spent just about every waking day with him, minus a week or so. I looked for and found a lovely apartment, but I had to literally climb a mountain to get it, and didn't feel good about it once I did. And there's the fact that my parents would be horrored about it. But I've explained my side of it to them, and even though it isn't "right" to be "shacking up" (my words), it is commonplace, and I SWORE to myself I would NEVER marry again without living with someone first. And there's the ever more simpler fact that I love him. I would be there or he would be at my place anyway, as has been the case since we met, so there. Its out there. No secrets. No hush hush about where I live.
Some people may ask me why I feel the need to write all of this out sometimes, and like the title of this very blog....it is MY therapy. Sometimes it is a sounding board for my thoughts, without judgement, and sometimes my whole intention is to get a point across. Say what you will. Think what you want to think. I quit worrying about what others thought a LONG time ago. End rant.
So back to all this settling....
I am currently making a life with this man. We have a beautiful house together, and are very happy! We have a cat, and a dog, and enough space to house 3-4 other people, besides ourselves. While all of this wonderful, it got me to thinking one day...."Have I arrived?" At my happy place? Is this it? Is this where I have been journeying to?
And the answer is yes, and no. Yes, I have arrived at point of happiness in my life that I had no idea I would ever come to again. Especially after a divorce and a whole new attitude on life and living, and god-forbid...the scariness of dating again. Not ever knowing then if I would ever get to the place I am now. And while it hasn't taken years or decades, I have arrived. I am quite happy with my little life, and the life that we are making together.
And then no, I haven't "arrived". Finding this person and building this life is not the "end" of things. It is NOT the end of living and loving and being free. This is only the beginning. One thing that this person has taught me more than anything over the last couple of months is that I am free to be myself...and that until I am myself, and not trying to please him or everyone else for that matter all the time, I will forever be searching. I love that I can just be myself, and that he loves me whether or not he agrees with me. I love that I can still say...honey, I'm going out for a while, and there's this trust factor between us, and all he says is k, have fun! I love that he has his own "things" that he does, and I encourage him to do it. I love that I can be an individual, and still be in this thing together.
And then there's the whole question of the journey itself. I guess our arrival point depends on the journey we are on. For me, I've always been one to want that special someone in my life. My divorce taught me that I don't have to "settle". I can be just as picky as I want to be, and I pick him. Not because he was the only one since the divorce that paid me any attention, or had anything to do with me. Quite the contrary. I had my time with dating, and dated some good ones and some horrible ones. However, if I had them all lined up, I would still pick him. And you know what...that's ok with me!
I am still writing, and loving life, and being me. And that's all that matters.
To the never-ending journey....kisses to my readers!
