Sifting

So I don't know where to start, or what direction to take in this post tonight. I just know that I need to write and sift through some emotions and thoughts.

First off, let me just say that there have been some changes in my current living situation. I am now living with my friend Kahyla in Georgia. Sigh...I am a traveling gypsy, and I swear I will never get settled. I am bummed that I couldn't live with my sister, but Pete (the dog) was not a good situation there, and I just can't bear to get rid of him. He is one of the only things that remind me of home, and I just can't do it! Yeah, and that's a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately. Home. I do miss my cozy little house, and living alone at times. But like tonight, I came "home" and cooked for Kahyla and Ryan. It felt good to have someone to cook for again, and it made me happy! (And it was delicious, might I add!) But there's just something about walking back into my house that puts me at ease everytime I go. I know its because I am "comfortable" there, and definitely because I know my way around MUCH better there. I guess I am just still trying to adapt and adjust to living here in Georgia. Not to mention that my focus this whole week has been a lot of new stuff. New job. New place. Another new place. Half my stuff in Alabama. Half my stuff in Georgia. Etc, etc. So I guess feeling unsettled is normal and natural at this point, and the more I am here, the better it will get. The funny part of all of this is that I have dreamed of a new place to live. I always thought that I would embrace the strangeness of all of it, and see it as opportunity; as I do. However, fear keeps trying to creep back in. The "what ifs" are trying to take over, and my head gets in the way of looking at the positive. Maybe I am just thinking too much.

And that's another thing. This thinking all the time. If there is one major thing that I don't like about myself, its definitely over-thinking everything. I over think and over-analyze everything, and it drives me crazy at times. I wish I could be more of a "simple-minded" person, but I never have been. It is both a curse and a blessing, I guess. So, what do I do when I start over-thinking? I write. And I probably write more than anyone wants to read, but it helps to get it out of my head. It helps me to focus. That's all I really want to do. Just focus on one thing at a time. But where to start, and what is the plan? And how shall I exucute said plan? And when? And with whom? Blah, blah blah. Psshbbbptt!

Lets see..what else? Oh! Goals! Yes, those sneaky little pesky goals of mine that I have stuck in the back of my mind. Waiting. On what? I have no clue. I set so many of them all at the same time, that I become overwhelmed and want to accomplish all of them instantly. And let's face it, goals are meant to be worked towards. Not provide instant gratification. That's it. Instant gratification. That's what I want, and when I can't get it, I become out of control. Anyone who knows me well, and I'm speaking to myself here, knows that I don't like to be out of control. I like to know who I am and where I am headed. And quite frankly, those are two subjects I know little about right now. I know that I am on a path to self discovery, and I know I am headed to good places. But when and how will I know that I have "reached" my destination or discovered who I really am? Isn't people and your influences that shape you to be who you are anyway? And if that is a fact, then who are we all really? Replicas of whom?

For my readers out there, I apologize for the overly long blog post this time...but I had to get some of this out. I am always afraid of forgetting stuff, and I knew if I kept letting my thoughts build...I would forget some of the things I was wanting to write. The sad part is, there is so much more, but I am not writing a novel here. So, I will just end it now. More to come. Hopefully with much more inspiration and insight.

P.S. A lady bug just flew down and landed on my laptop...sweet.