Oh the Lessons We learn!

Well, it's time to write again. Its been a little while since I have written anything...and there is good reason for that. It seems that my writing slows down a bit when I feel everything is going "good" in my life. I am not a braggart, and therefore do not want to make this blog a "what I did this weekend that was so awesome and made me so happy" sort of blog. So, without further adieu...

Many things have happened recently that I fear of sharing on here, but I have to write in order to get these things out. It's my therapy. And you, my dear readers, are my encouragement and continual support. I am forever grateful to you.

So one measly day after the last blog...the one where I share my "rules" of dating, I met my ideal guy. He fit the part. He was a check mark "yes" to all my standards of what I think my ideal guy would be. He spoke my love language beautifully and continuously without effort. He is a wonderful man of God. Well, you get my point. And things began. The first time we talked, we talked until 4 in the morning. The first time we met, we couldn't take our eyes off each other. Still, it was the most perfect date! The more time we talked, and the more time we spent with each other, the better it got. There were no red flags. Nothing for me to "write" him off as this or that. And I still can't. Things progressed very quickly! Feelings, meeting family, talking about the "big" issues. Our relationship progressed so quickly that we had to take a step back, and put the brakes on. You know, the kind of brakes that no matter how hard you push them...you end up sliding harder and faster than if you didn't, and your "crash" could have been avoided if you just swerved. Yeah. Those kind of brakes. But this time, I couldn't have swerved if I tried.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me confused, bewildered, questioning myself, angry, and even stupidly hopeful. Why hopeful? Because that's who I am. Because I believe in the good of people. Because I believe in that stupid fairy-tale love, and know that I deserve it. Because I know that God knows my heart's desire.

When circumstances and situations happen in my life, I often sit back and wonder what lesson I was supposed to learn. What God's purpose was for letting me go through whatever it is that I went through...good or bad. And so there is a lesson in all of this. First of all, God used my heart's desire, to find my ideal guy, and then used said ideal guy, to get me back in church. Its true. It may seem ironic or even insignificant, but it's true. I am so thankful for that. It's amazing how God can use your circumstances or even your biggest desires to call you back to Him. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I'm perfect, or even have it all figured out, but I know of this for sure: I'm learning. I'm growing. He's teaching. And for the first time in a very long time, I WANT to listen. Not because it's expected of me, or because anyone else pressures me to do so, but because I want to hear from Him. Its amazing how graceful God's love is. It amazes me that from the beginning, when I was born, He knew my life's path. He knew I would meet this guy. He knew all the events leading up to the climax of where I am in my life. He knew of my divorce. He knew of my many heartbreaks. And each time, God has called me, because He loves me, knowing whether or not I would come. It leaves me breathless and broken.

I thought that I had all the answers. I thought that I could figure myself and life and whatever else out alone. But once again, God has gently reminded me, using my circumstances and choices, to tell me differently. When I can go no where else, find no more answers, or don't have an explanation, He is there. Continuously, faithfully, by choice...God is there.

I don't know what any of you are going through, but I want you to know that God is there for you. When you feel like there is no more hope. When you feel like everyone else has given up on you. When you feel like no one else understands. When you feel unworthy of love. God still stands. He loved us despite our flaws and weaknesses. He knows the number of hairs we have on our heads. He has a plan and a future for us! Let Him teach you through your circumstances. Sit back and ask what lesson you should learn. Is it kindness, gentleness, honesty, patience, humility, love, or generosity? There are reasons that people are brought into your life. You may need to learn a lesson from them, or they may just be someone you can talk to. But God uses these people. Because HE loves you. Whether or not you love Him.

There is no doubt in my heart and soul that God designed me to love. I've just been pouring my love into the wrong thing. My efforts have been channeled into finding a man to pour love into. I equated joy with finding that type of love. But oh no! God is going to use the love HE gave me to love on people. I feel like I am about to tap into some major love potential here, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use it all.

Let me leave you with this thought by Gary Chapman, "We find joy in our choice to love others, whether or not they love us in return, or whether or not circumstances go the way we want them to".

Kisses to my readers!

Oh blog, where art thou?

Excuse me for not posting any sooner! Its been a minute, and soooo much has happened. I sincerely apologize to my readers out there. (All 10 of you now!) :)



Let me update the diet and detox thingy:



Kahyla (super-woman accountability partner) and I have been killing it at the gym! As of today, I have lost 22 lbs! Whoop Whoop! I feel fabulous, and am beginning to see some major changes in my body. I've officially lost 2 pant sizes now, and I'm just gonna keep on going!



As for life: Let me just say I am taking on a whole new attitude about some things.



It's no secret...I'm divorced and single! And can I just say that I HATE this stupid dating game?!?! Really. Boys are just stupid. I guess people think that since you are recently divorced, you are only interested in one thing, and that is it. Excuse me, but I happen to be a person with feelings, and would enjoy a date or two! Sure, I am not ready for anything serious, nor do I want to jump from a marriage into a serious relationship, but I have to say that I cannot date multiple people at one time. I used to think I could, but recently just discovered otherwise.



And what happened to being direct and upfront with people? Some people are just wusses and can't say what they really feel. They can't just say...you know, I would rather keep this friendly, rather than lead you on thinking otherwise. Or some people don't really know what they want, and so they tend to try to keep you close, make you think they like you as more than a friend, and when things start to get "relationshipy" they bail. Whatever. I am just over all of it.



I don't ever want to give anyone the wrong impression of me again, so let me just clarify a few things:



1. I will not sleep with you. Especially on a first date! So don't try!

2. Old fashion dating is not out! If you are interested, ask! Don't be a wus!

3. I like to have fun, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to hang out at a bar the first time I go somewhere. Be original.

4. I am a deep-thinking person, so don't be afraid to ask questions. I will tell you my honest opinion. I will be upfront and direct. And telling you of these opinions doesn't mean I am planning a future with you.

5. Kissing me after a first date is ok. I'm not about rules with dating. As a matter of fact, if you are not a good kisser, chances are we will not go on a second date! Unless you are just amazing.

6. I have a big heart, and I am a giver! This means I am emotionally connected to all people, even if you are just a friend. Just because I am emotional doesn't mean that I'm in-love with you.

7. I hate games. I hate being tested! If you want to know how I feel about an issue...no matter how big or small...just ask.

8. I am not a jealous person, so don't keep trying to make me be. But there's a fine line between that and respect. I will respect you. I expect the same in return.

9. I am not one that thinks you have to call or text me every minute of every day. However, if you are interested in me, call me or text me. This goes back to the rules and games. Go with how you feel...not what "people" think you should do.

10. If you can make me laugh, we'll be friends forever!


So....there you have it again. Sorry for the bitter betty attitude!

Oh, one last thing....I found a place to ride a mechanical bull...and it is going to happen soon! Pics and details to follow.

Kisses to all my readers!