Oh the Lessons We learn!

Well, it's time to write again. Its been a little while since I have written anything...and there is good reason for that. It seems that my writing slows down a bit when I feel everything is going "good" in my life. I am not a braggart, and therefore do not want to make this blog a "what I did this weekend that was so awesome and made me so happy" sort of blog. So, without further adieu...

Many things have happened recently that I fear of sharing on here, but I have to write in order to get these things out. It's my therapy. And you, my dear readers, are my encouragement and continual support. I am forever grateful to you.

So one measly day after the last blog...the one where I share my "rules" of dating, I met my ideal guy. He fit the part. He was a check mark "yes" to all my standards of what I think my ideal guy would be. He spoke my love language beautifully and continuously without effort. He is a wonderful man of God. Well, you get my point. And things began. The first time we talked, we talked until 4 in the morning. The first time we met, we couldn't take our eyes off each other. Still, it was the most perfect date! The more time we talked, and the more time we spent with each other, the better it got. There were no red flags. Nothing for me to "write" him off as this or that. And I still can't. Things progressed very quickly! Feelings, meeting family, talking about the "big" issues. Our relationship progressed so quickly that we had to take a step back, and put the brakes on. You know, the kind of brakes that no matter how hard you push them...you end up sliding harder and faster than if you didn't, and your "crash" could have been avoided if you just swerved. Yeah. Those kind of brakes. But this time, I couldn't have swerved if I tried.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me confused, bewildered, questioning myself, angry, and even stupidly hopeful. Why hopeful? Because that's who I am. Because I believe in the good of people. Because I believe in that stupid fairy-tale love, and know that I deserve it. Because I know that God knows my heart's desire.

When circumstances and situations happen in my life, I often sit back and wonder what lesson I was supposed to learn. What God's purpose was for letting me go through whatever it is that I went through...good or bad. And so there is a lesson in all of this. First of all, God used my heart's desire, to find my ideal guy, and then used said ideal guy, to get me back in church. Its true. It may seem ironic or even insignificant, but it's true. I am so thankful for that. It's amazing how God can use your circumstances or even your biggest desires to call you back to Him. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I'm perfect, or even have it all figured out, but I know of this for sure: I'm learning. I'm growing. He's teaching. And for the first time in a very long time, I WANT to listen. Not because it's expected of me, or because anyone else pressures me to do so, but because I want to hear from Him. Its amazing how graceful God's love is. It amazes me that from the beginning, when I was born, He knew my life's path. He knew I would meet this guy. He knew all the events leading up to the climax of where I am in my life. He knew of my divorce. He knew of my many heartbreaks. And each time, God has called me, because He loves me, knowing whether or not I would come. It leaves me breathless and broken.

I thought that I had all the answers. I thought that I could figure myself and life and whatever else out alone. But once again, God has gently reminded me, using my circumstances and choices, to tell me differently. When I can go no where else, find no more answers, or don't have an explanation, He is there. Continuously, faithfully, by choice...God is there.

I don't know what any of you are going through, but I want you to know that God is there for you. When you feel like there is no more hope. When you feel like everyone else has given up on you. When you feel like no one else understands. When you feel unworthy of love. God still stands. He loved us despite our flaws and weaknesses. He knows the number of hairs we have on our heads. He has a plan and a future for us! Let Him teach you through your circumstances. Sit back and ask what lesson you should learn. Is it kindness, gentleness, honesty, patience, humility, love, or generosity? There are reasons that people are brought into your life. You may need to learn a lesson from them, or they may just be someone you can talk to. But God uses these people. Because HE loves you. Whether or not you love Him.

There is no doubt in my heart and soul that God designed me to love. I've just been pouring my love into the wrong thing. My efforts have been channeled into finding a man to pour love into. I equated joy with finding that type of love. But oh no! God is going to use the love HE gave me to love on people. I feel like I am about to tap into some major love potential here, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use it all.

Let me leave you with this thought by Gary Chapman, "We find joy in our choice to love others, whether or not they love us in return, or whether or not circumstances go the way we want them to".

Kisses to my readers!