We all have it from time to time. Some of us reel with it on a daily basis, some of us obsess over it. And with some of us, our world revolves around it. Its that pesky little thing called insecurity. We would all be lying to ourselves if we said we never dealt with it, and even more if we said we weren't insecure in some way.
I deal with this insecurity probably on a daily basis...but this brings me to a important question? Where does this insecurity lie? Where does it creep up from? I find that insecurity creeps up on me in the most un-fair way. When I am dealing with personal issues, when I'm trying to achieve a goal, and even surprisingly when I feel that I am secure! So, today, as I am dealing with some insecurity, I asked myself a really important question....where in the world is this coming from? What is the real root of my insecurity?
Well, lately, I've really been trying to curb my food intake and lose weight. For myself nonetheless, but for my wedding, more especially. I almost feel like the majority of my self security lies within how I feel about how I look. Or maybe its my perception of how I look. I really don't know, and I am digging deep within myself to figure out where this is all coming from. Which is why I am writing. I mean, there is a reason this blog has the word THERAPY in it! :)
Its sad that the majority of my security lies within my personal appearance. I can blame Hollywood, or TV or social media. I can blame alot of things, actually. But I don't want to. I want to dig deeper than that. I want to find out why I feel the way I feel. Do I want to look a certain way because it will bring positive attention? Do I want to look a certain way because it will please my mate? Do I want to look a certain way because I feel like it will end all of uncertainty about a lot of things? I can't answer any of those questions right now. I'm still digging, and this is where I need the help of my readers.
So, pull of a wicker chair on my back porch, kick your feet up, and feel free to tell me your personal dealings with insecurity. How did you deal? Did you get to the root of your insecurity? What did you do to change, if you felt you needed to change at all? Who or what did you reach out to?
This is where I need you, dear readers, and I am anxious to hear back from you!
Love, and kisses to my readers!
Monday, February 28, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
A Letter to my future husband...
I'm not sure what has me so nostalgic or feeling so sweet....but I am. More often lately than not. And I want this tribute to go to by future husband, Adam Alvord. (He will probably have my head for putting this on here....but here goes anyway).
Dear Adam,
I love you. These three simple words encompass everything I feel about you, and yet, sometimes does not even touch the plethora of feelings that comprise those words. But that's just it. It's more than words. Its more than feelings. You are the man that I still get giddy about everyday. In the morning when I wake up, I anticipate my good bye kiss from you before you leave for the day. I can't wait for that first text when I hear from you in the morning. It makes my heart skip a beat to hear the garage door open, and know its you, coming home to me. I am astonished and even more flattered that you have chosen me to be your wife. Your wife! I love the sound of that. I love the meaning of that. Knowing that I will forever be at your side...through the good times and the bad...and all the in-between, makes me happy! Giddy school girl happy! It gives me purpose and hope for what I've always thought true love was. Not until you did I truly know what it felt like to love someone wholeheartedly. And honestly, when I think about the literal sense of the word, wholeheartedly or with all of my heart...the impression it gives is even less than I mean. Adam, I've always been told that I was a self-less person. Always caring about others before me. But really, at the end of the day, I was always looking out for me. The truth of the matter is....its now about you and me on this beautiful journey together. I trust you, I respect you more than I can explain, and I love you with my whole heart! Every bit of it. You give me the courage and inspiration I need on a day to day basis to be great...with or without you. You support me and make me feel beautiful inside and out. You challenge me. You are my life and my breath! I cannot wait to be your wife, and I look forward to our beautiful journey together.
With all my love,
Amy
Dear Adam,
I love you. These three simple words encompass everything I feel about you, and yet, sometimes does not even touch the plethora of feelings that comprise those words. But that's just it. It's more than words. Its more than feelings. You are the man that I still get giddy about everyday. In the morning when I wake up, I anticipate my good bye kiss from you before you leave for the day. I can't wait for that first text when I hear from you in the morning. It makes my heart skip a beat to hear the garage door open, and know its you, coming home to me. I am astonished and even more flattered that you have chosen me to be your wife. Your wife! I love the sound of that. I love the meaning of that. Knowing that I will forever be at your side...through the good times and the bad...and all the in-between, makes me happy! Giddy school girl happy! It gives me purpose and hope for what I've always thought true love was. Not until you did I truly know what it felt like to love someone wholeheartedly. And honestly, when I think about the literal sense of the word, wholeheartedly or with all of my heart...the impression it gives is even less than I mean. Adam, I've always been told that I was a self-less person. Always caring about others before me. But really, at the end of the day, I was always looking out for me. The truth of the matter is....its now about you and me on this beautiful journey together. I trust you, I respect you more than I can explain, and I love you with my whole heart! Every bit of it. You give me the courage and inspiration I need on a day to day basis to be great...with or without you. You support me and make me feel beautiful inside and out. You challenge me. You are my life and my breath! I cannot wait to be your wife, and I look forward to our beautiful journey together.
With all my love,
Amy
Friday, February 4, 2011
Salutations and Hello!
I am ashamed to say...it has been (gulp) 6 loooooong and very life changing months since I have sat down to write in my blog. Tisk tisk, and shame on me!
OK...moving on. So, A LOT has changed since I wrote last...so very quickly...let me make one of my favorite things: a list.
1. Adam and I are still living together...almost broke up completely due to reasons I won't go into detail about...but we are good.
2. Adam and I got engaged on Christmas Day! Yay! We are so excited and are currently planning our wedding. We have set a date...in August this year...so only 6 more measly months, and we have a lot to do!
3. I started my own in-home care company. Probably lots more to write about that as it comes about...especially my frustrations as a new business owner, and my wanting to throw my hands up and quit....but we will get through this. With the help and encouragement of you people...we will succeed! :)
4. I finally met Adam's mom...who came all the way from New York on a wintry 23 hour bus ride! She is amazing, and I am so thankful and blessed to be able to call her my future mother in law!
So, for now...that's all I can think of as far as what I would consider "major" events in my life in the last 6 months....well....all that I will write about on here. Those of you that are my close friends know there has been more...and I've been journaling about that stuff....and don't worry mom...everything is ok. Just don't want the everyone to know ALL of my business.
Let's sit back and talk for a minute...how are you guys? I've missed talking to you, and hearing from you, and I am so sorry that I haven't written sooner. Which brings me to a topic. Good ole' fashioned handwritten letters. I miss that. I miss running to my mailbox in the hopes of getting a note from someone...even if they lived around the block from me, it was fun to write back and forth, and it was even better anticipating the next one coming. Today, with information at the touch of a button, and technology constantly evolving...we can send a quick text, or chat message...and boom! We have communication. What happened to face time? I miss that too. It is sad to say, but our grandmothers are the only ones that are left, it seems, that will have stacks of neatly tied bundles of letters....love ones from their spouses, and general letters from friends that they will be able to look back on. What has happened to us? Why can't we just slow down?
Speaking of slowing down....life has a way of speeding up when you least expect it. Sometimes it seems you are floating along effortlessly, and then all of a sudden, life takes a hard right turn, and all you can do is hold on. That's sorta how I feel with this whole owning my own business thing. I had resigned my position at the Comfort Keepers in Hiram, and moved to the Douglasville office in hopes of buying the business from the owner. I kept hitting walls, and without divulging too much information here....my previous boss and I just didn't get along. Realizing that I wasn't going to be able to buy her business, I reached out to a friend of mine who had her own in-home care business, for some guidance and where to start to get mine started. In the meantime, my sister had been looking for office space for her photography studio, and what seemed like a collision of natural events...I had an office space to share, and an offer for a co-partner in a business of my own. And just like that....life just hit the gas pedal and has been going 100 miles a second ever since. Don't get me wrong...I am very thankful...but wow!
On to the marriage stuff: The best way I can express all this is through another list:
1. I am fat and WILL NOT be fat on my wedding day.
2. I only have 6 months to become NOT FAT.
3. Did I mention I have only 6 months?
4. I am excited!
5. Its gonna be a small one...no more than 50 people. We aren't showy people...
6. We are paying for this wedding on our own...did I mention 6 months left?
7. My engagement ring is amazing and even more special knowing the meaning behind it and where it came from. (its huge too...2 carat solitaire)
8. I am more in love than I ever even thought existed, and I am so happy to be marrying my best friend.
9. I will not be fat, I will not be fat, I will not be fat.
10. Think peacock feather....those are our colors! Pretty....
Welp folks...I must get going. I promise not to be so long next time...in the meantime...if you have any "not fat" tips, or even any caterers, or helpful information for a wedding...send me a note, yo!
Until next time...and I'm sure I will not be as fat then....peace, and kisses to my readers!
Amy
OK...moving on. So, A LOT has changed since I wrote last...so very quickly...let me make one of my favorite things: a list.
1. Adam and I are still living together...almost broke up completely due to reasons I won't go into detail about...but we are good.
2. Adam and I got engaged on Christmas Day! Yay! We are so excited and are currently planning our wedding. We have set a date...in August this year...so only 6 more measly months, and we have a lot to do!
3. I started my own in-home care company. Probably lots more to write about that as it comes about...especially my frustrations as a new business owner, and my wanting to throw my hands up and quit....but we will get through this. With the help and encouragement of you people...we will succeed! :)
4. I finally met Adam's mom...who came all the way from New York on a wintry 23 hour bus ride! She is amazing, and I am so thankful and blessed to be able to call her my future mother in law!
So, for now...that's all I can think of as far as what I would consider "major" events in my life in the last 6 months....well....all that I will write about on here. Those of you that are my close friends know there has been more...and I've been journaling about that stuff....and don't worry mom...everything is ok. Just don't want the everyone to know ALL of my business.
Let's sit back and talk for a minute...how are you guys? I've missed talking to you, and hearing from you, and I am so sorry that I haven't written sooner. Which brings me to a topic. Good ole' fashioned handwritten letters. I miss that. I miss running to my mailbox in the hopes of getting a note from someone...even if they lived around the block from me, it was fun to write back and forth, and it was even better anticipating the next one coming. Today, with information at the touch of a button, and technology constantly evolving...we can send a quick text, or chat message...and boom! We have communication. What happened to face time? I miss that too. It is sad to say, but our grandmothers are the only ones that are left, it seems, that will have stacks of neatly tied bundles of letters....love ones from their spouses, and general letters from friends that they will be able to look back on. What has happened to us? Why can't we just slow down?
Speaking of slowing down....life has a way of speeding up when you least expect it. Sometimes it seems you are floating along effortlessly, and then all of a sudden, life takes a hard right turn, and all you can do is hold on. That's sorta how I feel with this whole owning my own business thing. I had resigned my position at the Comfort Keepers in Hiram, and moved to the Douglasville office in hopes of buying the business from the owner. I kept hitting walls, and without divulging too much information here....my previous boss and I just didn't get along. Realizing that I wasn't going to be able to buy her business, I reached out to a friend of mine who had her own in-home care business, for some guidance and where to start to get mine started. In the meantime, my sister had been looking for office space for her photography studio, and what seemed like a collision of natural events...I had an office space to share, and an offer for a co-partner in a business of my own. And just like that....life just hit the gas pedal and has been going 100 miles a second ever since. Don't get me wrong...I am very thankful...but wow!
On to the marriage stuff: The best way I can express all this is through another list:
1. I am fat and WILL NOT be fat on my wedding day.
2. I only have 6 months to become NOT FAT.
3. Did I mention I have only 6 months?
4. I am excited!
5. Its gonna be a small one...no more than 50 people. We aren't showy people...
6. We are paying for this wedding on our own...did I mention 6 months left?
7. My engagement ring is amazing and even more special knowing the meaning behind it and where it came from. (its huge too...2 carat solitaire)
8. I am more in love than I ever even thought existed, and I am so happy to be marrying my best friend.
9. I will not be fat, I will not be fat, I will not be fat.
10. Think peacock feather....those are our colors! Pretty....
Welp folks...I must get going. I promise not to be so long next time...in the meantime...if you have any "not fat" tips, or even any caterers, or helpful information for a wedding...send me a note, yo!
Until next time...and I'm sure I will not be as fat then....peace, and kisses to my readers!
Amy
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