You know,
I've been talking about self-discovery, and "the journey" in my past articles a lot lately. And mind you, it is all about both of those. However, one day as I was driving, a creeping little thought bewildered me. I heard myself ask, "so when will you know you have arrived?"
It made me stop and think for a moment: "Is it when we are 90 years old and on the front porch hand-in-hand with our life's mate, drinking sweet tea and reminiscing about the old times?" "Is it when we have that house or car, or 2.3 children, and the perfect career, and everything hunky-dory?"
Now, my readers, I ask you. Do you ever "arrive" at the end of the journey?
My opinion is that you never do. Yep. Never. I think if you continue to live life instead of just trudging along through it, you will always be on a journey of some sort. I once heard someone put it this way, "when you stop living, you die." So true.
A lot of this has been on my mind because I've been on another journey. Not one of "finding" myself, but more one of "settling" (not in the bad sense of the word) but more like becoming comfortable, once again.
I met a guy about 5 months ago that I am mad about! He is wonderful in every sense of the word. He has his quirks, as I do mine....well, as we all do, but I love those quirks too. It makes him who he is, and I like him a lot! Well, truth be known, I am deeply in love with him.
I've been wound up in all the wonderfulness, that I haven't written in a while. But other than that, I have had a lot of other things going on. Like...
1. I sold my house!!! YAY! Finally! (I'm still waiting on a closing date, but its SOLD, contract and all)
2. I've moved my ENTIRE life that I had built in Alabama to Georgia. Man! It feels gooood to have everything in one place finally. But it is still bittersweet to let go of the only life I've known and built with sweat, blood and tears.
3. I've officially moved in with this wonderment of a man. Yeah. I know. For some of you skeptic readers out there, you are going to have your opinions, but we all do. In the whole spectrum of time, it hasn't been that long since I met this guy, but I've spent just about every waking day with him, minus a week or so. I looked for and found a lovely apartment, but I had to literally climb a mountain to get it, and didn't feel good about it once I did. And there's the fact that my parents would be horrored about it. But I've explained my side of it to them, and even though it isn't "right" to be "shacking up" (my words), it is commonplace, and I SWORE to myself I would NEVER marry again without living with someone first. And there's the ever more simpler fact that I love him. I would be there or he would be at my place anyway, as has been the case since we met, so there. Its out there. No secrets. No hush hush about where I live.
Some people may ask me why I feel the need to write all of this out sometimes, and like the title of this very blog....it is MY therapy. Sometimes it is a sounding board for my thoughts, without judgement, and sometimes my whole intention is to get a point across. Say what you will. Think what you want to think. I quit worrying about what others thought a LONG time ago. End rant.
So back to all this settling....
I am currently making a life with this man. We have a beautiful house together, and are very happy! We have a cat, and a dog, and enough space to house 3-4 other people, besides ourselves. While all of this wonderful, it got me to thinking one day...."Have I arrived?" At my happy place? Is this it? Is this where I have been journeying to?
And the answer is yes, and no. Yes, I have arrived at point of happiness in my life that I had no idea I would ever come to again. Especially after a divorce and a whole new attitude on life and living, and god-forbid...the scariness of dating again. Not ever knowing then if I would ever get to the place I am now. And while it hasn't taken years or decades, I have arrived. I am quite happy with my little life, and the life that we are making together.
And then no, I haven't "arrived". Finding this person and building this life is not the "end" of things. It is NOT the end of living and loving and being free. This is only the beginning. One thing that this person has taught me more than anything over the last couple of months is that I am free to be myself...and that until I am myself, and not trying to please him or everyone else for that matter all the time, I will forever be searching. I love that I can just be myself, and that he loves me whether or not he agrees with me. I love that I can still say...honey, I'm going out for a while, and there's this trust factor between us, and all he says is k, have fun! I love that he has his own "things" that he does, and I encourage him to do it. I love that I can be an individual, and still be in this thing together.
And then there's the whole question of the journey itself. I guess our arrival point depends on the journey we are on. For me, I've always been one to want that special someone in my life. My divorce taught me that I don't have to "settle". I can be just as picky as I want to be, and I pick him. Not because he was the only one since the divorce that paid me any attention, or had anything to do with me. Quite the contrary. I had my time with dating, and dated some good ones and some horrible ones. However, if I had them all lined up, I would still pick him. And you know what...that's ok with me!
I am still writing, and loving life, and being me. And that's all that matters.
To the never-ending journey....kisses to my readers!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, May 31, 2010
A Letter to Me
You know, sometimes the best advice we could ever get is our own. Sure, its great to listen to others and have different opinions from different people. But recently, I've been left to lots of thoughts of my own. I mean, who else knows you better than yourself anyways? As a friend and I were talking the other day, I asked: "Do you really think you can fully know anyone?" Her reply was no. I pondered on that for a while, and thought to myself...she is right. And as I've said before, at night, it's only you and that pillow. So true. So true.
SO that brings me to this blog. A letter to myself. What would I tell myself? How do I feel about things. No one else's influence, although people and the places we've been in life shape us to be who we really are anyways. However, I feel a little inspired to swallow my own advice. To nothing specific. But just to listen to my own heart.
Here goes....
Dear sweet, precious, wonderful and lovely Amy:
Ok, ok,... enough of that.
Dear Amy,
You are smart. You have the answers to things, they are found within yourself, God, and your values and morals. And don't forget those. Values and morals seem so pesky at times, but they are who you are and what you believe. Don't settle. For anything. For anyone. Believe in yourself. Listen to yourself. Love, and live and live and love. Its who you are. You have a heart that's so big, and mostly that's because of the love you have been shown in your life through various people, mentors and life lessons. In the end, darling, its only you and that pillow. Stand up for what you believe in. Fight for it. Do not give up on the people and the things that are important to you. Do not back down to what other people think you should think. Set out on a path of self-discovery, and live! You got a second chance at life, don't ever forget that. Forgive people, no matter how bad they have hurt you. Love them too. Laugh all the time. Your laugh is contagious, and it makes other people laugh...even if they make fun of it. Love your body. No matter how big or small. But take care of it...its the only one you get. Make friends, and keep those you have had in your life close, no matter how far you may physically be from them. Be true to yourself. Don't give up the things you love to satisfy someone else's needs. Compromise, but do not compromise who you are. Visit your family often; they are your one true team. Make a difference in your corner of the world, no matter how big or small. Smile often, listen more, and never stop learning. You are the only person who can do these things. They are who you are. Never forget that.
Love,
Amy
SO that brings me to this blog. A letter to myself. What would I tell myself? How do I feel about things. No one else's influence, although people and the places we've been in life shape us to be who we really are anyways. However, I feel a little inspired to swallow my own advice. To nothing specific. But just to listen to my own heart.
Here goes....
Dear sweet, precious, wonderful and lovely Amy:
Ok, ok,... enough of that.
Dear Amy,
You are smart. You have the answers to things, they are found within yourself, God, and your values and morals. And don't forget those. Values and morals seem so pesky at times, but they are who you are and what you believe. Don't settle. For anything. For anyone. Believe in yourself. Listen to yourself. Love, and live and live and love. Its who you are. You have a heart that's so big, and mostly that's because of the love you have been shown in your life through various people, mentors and life lessons. In the end, darling, its only you and that pillow. Stand up for what you believe in. Fight for it. Do not give up on the people and the things that are important to you. Do not back down to what other people think you should think. Set out on a path of self-discovery, and live! You got a second chance at life, don't ever forget that. Forgive people, no matter how bad they have hurt you. Love them too. Laugh all the time. Your laugh is contagious, and it makes other people laugh...even if they make fun of it. Love your body. No matter how big or small. But take care of it...its the only one you get. Make friends, and keep those you have had in your life close, no matter how far you may physically be from them. Be true to yourself. Don't give up the things you love to satisfy someone else's needs. Compromise, but do not compromise who you are. Visit your family often; they are your one true team. Make a difference in your corner of the world, no matter how big or small. Smile often, listen more, and never stop learning. You are the only person who can do these things. They are who you are. Never forget that.
Love,
Amy
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Oh the Lessons We learn!
Well, it's time to write again. Its been a little while since I have written anything...and there is good reason for that. It seems that my writing slows down a bit when I feel everything is going "good" in my life. I am not a braggart, and therefore do not want to make this blog a "what I did this weekend that was so awesome and made me so happy" sort of blog. So, without further adieu...
Many things have happened recently that I fear of sharing on here, but I have to write in order to get these things out. It's my therapy. And you, my dear readers, are my encouragement and continual support. I am forever grateful to you.
So one measly day after the last blog...the one where I share my "rules" of dating, I met my ideal guy. He fit the part. He was a check mark "yes" to all my standards of what I think my ideal guy would be. He spoke my love language beautifully and continuously without effort. He is a wonderful man of God. Well, you get my point. And things began. The first time we talked, we talked until 4 in the morning. The first time we met, we couldn't take our eyes off each other. Still, it was the most perfect date! The more time we talked, and the more time we spent with each other, the better it got. There were no red flags. Nothing for me to "write" him off as this or that. And I still can't. Things progressed very quickly! Feelings, meeting family, talking about the "big" issues. Our relationship progressed so quickly that we had to take a step back, and put the brakes on. You know, the kind of brakes that no matter how hard you push them...you end up sliding harder and faster than if you didn't, and your "crash" could have been avoided if you just swerved. Yeah. Those kind of brakes. But this time, I couldn't have swerved if I tried.
So, where does that leave me? It leaves me confused, bewildered, questioning myself, angry, and even stupidly hopeful. Why hopeful? Because that's who I am. Because I believe in the good of people. Because I believe in that stupid fairy-tale love, and know that I deserve it. Because I know that God knows my heart's desire.
When circumstances and situations happen in my life, I often sit back and wonder what lesson I was supposed to learn. What God's purpose was for letting me go through whatever it is that I went through...good or bad. And so there is a lesson in all of this. First of all, God used my heart's desire, to find my ideal guy, and then used said ideal guy, to get me back in church. Its true. It may seem ironic or even insignificant, but it's true. I am so thankful for that. It's amazing how God can use your circumstances or even your biggest desires to call you back to Him. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I'm perfect, or even have it all figured out, but I know of this for sure: I'm learning. I'm growing. He's teaching. And for the first time in a very long time, I WANT to listen. Not because it's expected of me, or because anyone else pressures me to do so, but because I want to hear from Him. Its amazing how graceful God's love is. It amazes me that from the beginning, when I was born, He knew my life's path. He knew I would meet this guy. He knew all the events leading up to the climax of where I am in my life. He knew of my divorce. He knew of my many heartbreaks. And each time, God has called me, because He loves me, knowing whether or not I would come. It leaves me breathless and broken.
I thought that I had all the answers. I thought that I could figure myself and life and whatever else out alone. But once again, God has gently reminded me, using my circumstances and choices, to tell me differently. When I can go no where else, find no more answers, or don't have an explanation, He is there. Continuously, faithfully, by choice...God is there.
I don't know what any of you are going through, but I want you to know that God is there for you. When you feel like there is no more hope. When you feel like everyone else has given up on you. When you feel like no one else understands. When you feel unworthy of love. God still stands. He loved us despite our flaws and weaknesses. He knows the number of hairs we have on our heads. He has a plan and a future for us! Let Him teach you through your circumstances. Sit back and ask what lesson you should learn. Is it kindness, gentleness, honesty, patience, humility, love, or generosity? There are reasons that people are brought into your life. You may need to learn a lesson from them, or they may just be someone you can talk to. But God uses these people. Because HE loves you. Whether or not you love Him.
There is no doubt in my heart and soul that God designed me to love. I've just been pouring my love into the wrong thing. My efforts have been channeled into finding a man to pour love into. I equated joy with finding that type of love. But oh no! God is going to use the love HE gave me to love on people. I feel like I am about to tap into some major love potential here, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use it all.
Let me leave you with this thought by Gary Chapman, "We find joy in our choice to love others, whether or not they love us in return, or whether or not circumstances go the way we want them to".
Kisses to my readers!
Many things have happened recently that I fear of sharing on here, but I have to write in order to get these things out. It's my therapy. And you, my dear readers, are my encouragement and continual support. I am forever grateful to you.
So one measly day after the last blog...the one where I share my "rules" of dating, I met my ideal guy. He fit the part. He was a check mark "yes" to all my standards of what I think my ideal guy would be. He spoke my love language beautifully and continuously without effort. He is a wonderful man of God. Well, you get my point. And things began. The first time we talked, we talked until 4 in the morning. The first time we met, we couldn't take our eyes off each other. Still, it was the most perfect date! The more time we talked, and the more time we spent with each other, the better it got. There were no red flags. Nothing for me to "write" him off as this or that. And I still can't. Things progressed very quickly! Feelings, meeting family, talking about the "big" issues. Our relationship progressed so quickly that we had to take a step back, and put the brakes on. You know, the kind of brakes that no matter how hard you push them...you end up sliding harder and faster than if you didn't, and your "crash" could have been avoided if you just swerved. Yeah. Those kind of brakes. But this time, I couldn't have swerved if I tried.
So, where does that leave me? It leaves me confused, bewildered, questioning myself, angry, and even stupidly hopeful. Why hopeful? Because that's who I am. Because I believe in the good of people. Because I believe in that stupid fairy-tale love, and know that I deserve it. Because I know that God knows my heart's desire.
When circumstances and situations happen in my life, I often sit back and wonder what lesson I was supposed to learn. What God's purpose was for letting me go through whatever it is that I went through...good or bad. And so there is a lesson in all of this. First of all, God used my heart's desire, to find my ideal guy, and then used said ideal guy, to get me back in church. Its true. It may seem ironic or even insignificant, but it's true. I am so thankful for that. It's amazing how God can use your circumstances or even your biggest desires to call you back to Him. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I'm perfect, or even have it all figured out, but I know of this for sure: I'm learning. I'm growing. He's teaching. And for the first time in a very long time, I WANT to listen. Not because it's expected of me, or because anyone else pressures me to do so, but because I want to hear from Him. Its amazing how graceful God's love is. It amazes me that from the beginning, when I was born, He knew my life's path. He knew I would meet this guy. He knew all the events leading up to the climax of where I am in my life. He knew of my divorce. He knew of my many heartbreaks. And each time, God has called me, because He loves me, knowing whether or not I would come. It leaves me breathless and broken.
I thought that I had all the answers. I thought that I could figure myself and life and whatever else out alone. But once again, God has gently reminded me, using my circumstances and choices, to tell me differently. When I can go no where else, find no more answers, or don't have an explanation, He is there. Continuously, faithfully, by choice...God is there.
I don't know what any of you are going through, but I want you to know that God is there for you. When you feel like there is no more hope. When you feel like everyone else has given up on you. When you feel like no one else understands. When you feel unworthy of love. God still stands. He loved us despite our flaws and weaknesses. He knows the number of hairs we have on our heads. He has a plan and a future for us! Let Him teach you through your circumstances. Sit back and ask what lesson you should learn. Is it kindness, gentleness, honesty, patience, humility, love, or generosity? There are reasons that people are brought into your life. You may need to learn a lesson from them, or they may just be someone you can talk to. But God uses these people. Because HE loves you. Whether or not you love Him.
There is no doubt in my heart and soul that God designed me to love. I've just been pouring my love into the wrong thing. My efforts have been channeled into finding a man to pour love into. I equated joy with finding that type of love. But oh no! God is going to use the love HE gave me to love on people. I feel like I am about to tap into some major love potential here, and I can't wait to see how God is going to use it all.
Let me leave you with this thought by Gary Chapman, "We find joy in our choice to love others, whether or not they love us in return, or whether or not circumstances go the way we want them to".
Kisses to my readers!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Oh blog, where art thou?
Excuse me for not posting any sooner! Its been a minute, and soooo much has happened. I sincerely apologize to my readers out there. (All 10 of you now!) :)
Let me update the diet and detox thingy:
Kahyla (super-woman accountability partner) and I have been killing it at the gym! As of today, I have lost 22 lbs! Whoop Whoop! I feel fabulous, and am beginning to see some major changes in my body. I've officially lost 2 pant sizes now, and I'm just gonna keep on going!
As for life: Let me just say I am taking on a whole new attitude about some things.
It's no secret...I'm divorced and single! And can I just say that I HATE this stupid dating game?!?! Really. Boys are just stupid. I guess people think that since you are recently divorced, you are only interested in one thing, and that is it. Excuse me, but I happen to be a person with feelings, and would enjoy a date or two! Sure, I am not ready for anything serious, nor do I want to jump from a marriage into a serious relationship, but I have to say that I cannot date multiple people at one time. I used to think I could, but recently just discovered otherwise.
And what happened to being direct and upfront with people? Some people are just wusses and can't say what they really feel. They can't just say...you know, I would rather keep this friendly, rather than lead you on thinking otherwise. Or some people don't really know what they want, and so they tend to try to keep you close, make you think they like you as more than a friend, and when things start to get "relationshipy" they bail. Whatever. I am just over all of it.
I don't ever want to give anyone the wrong impression of me again, so let me just clarify a few things:
1. I will not sleep with you. Especially on a first date! So don't try!
2. Old fashion dating is not out! If you are interested, ask! Don't be a wus!
3. I like to have fun, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to hang out at a bar the first time I go somewhere. Be original.
4. I am a deep-thinking person, so don't be afraid to ask questions. I will tell you my honest opinion. I will be upfront and direct. And telling you of these opinions doesn't mean I am planning a future with you.
5. Kissing me after a first date is ok. I'm not about rules with dating. As a matter of fact, if you are not a good kisser, chances are we will not go on a second date! Unless you are just amazing.
6. I have a big heart, and I am a giver! This means I am emotionally connected to all people, even if you are just a friend. Just because I am emotional doesn't mean that I'm in-love with you.
7. I hate games. I hate being tested! If you want to know how I feel about an issue...no matter how big or small...just ask.
8. I am not a jealous person, so don't keep trying to make me be. But there's a fine line between that and respect. I will respect you. I expect the same in return.
9. I am not one that thinks you have to call or text me every minute of every day. However, if you are interested in me, call me or text me. This goes back to the rules and games. Go with how you feel...not what "people" think you should do.
10. If you can make me laugh, we'll be friends forever!
So....there you have it again. Sorry for the bitter betty attitude!
Oh, one last thing....I found a place to ride a mechanical bull...and it is going to happen soon! Pics and details to follow.
Kisses to all my readers!
Let me update the diet and detox thingy:
Kahyla (super-woman accountability partner) and I have been killing it at the gym! As of today, I have lost 22 lbs! Whoop Whoop! I feel fabulous, and am beginning to see some major changes in my body. I've officially lost 2 pant sizes now, and I'm just gonna keep on going!
As for life: Let me just say I am taking on a whole new attitude about some things.
It's no secret...I'm divorced and single! And can I just say that I HATE this stupid dating game?!?! Really. Boys are just stupid. I guess people think that since you are recently divorced, you are only interested in one thing, and that is it. Excuse me, but I happen to be a person with feelings, and would enjoy a date or two! Sure, I am not ready for anything serious, nor do I want to jump from a marriage into a serious relationship, but I have to say that I cannot date multiple people at one time. I used to think I could, but recently just discovered otherwise.
And what happened to being direct and upfront with people? Some people are just wusses and can't say what they really feel. They can't just say...you know, I would rather keep this friendly, rather than lead you on thinking otherwise. Or some people don't really know what they want, and so they tend to try to keep you close, make you think they like you as more than a friend, and when things start to get "relationshipy" they bail. Whatever. I am just over all of it.
I don't ever want to give anyone the wrong impression of me again, so let me just clarify a few things:
1. I will not sleep with you. Especially on a first date! So don't try!
2. Old fashion dating is not out! If you are interested, ask! Don't be a wus!
3. I like to have fun, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to hang out at a bar the first time I go somewhere. Be original.
4. I am a deep-thinking person, so don't be afraid to ask questions. I will tell you my honest opinion. I will be upfront and direct. And telling you of these opinions doesn't mean I am planning a future with you.
5. Kissing me after a first date is ok. I'm not about rules with dating. As a matter of fact, if you are not a good kisser, chances are we will not go on a second date! Unless you are just amazing.
6. I have a big heart, and I am a giver! This means I am emotionally connected to all people, even if you are just a friend. Just because I am emotional doesn't mean that I'm in-love with you.
7. I hate games. I hate being tested! If you want to know how I feel about an issue...no matter how big or small...just ask.
8. I am not a jealous person, so don't keep trying to make me be. But there's a fine line between that and respect. I will respect you. I expect the same in return.
9. I am not one that thinks you have to call or text me every minute of every day. However, if you are interested in me, call me or text me. This goes back to the rules and games. Go with how you feel...not what "people" think you should do.
10. If you can make me laugh, we'll be friends forever!
So....there you have it again. Sorry for the bitter betty attitude!
Oh, one last thing....I found a place to ride a mechanical bull...and it is going to happen soon! Pics and details to follow.
Kisses to all my readers!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Detox Results!!!! Plus Some...
Ok,
So I am going to blog about the results of my detox first!
Let me just say that last week was so hard, but very rewarding! Several things were tested: my patience, willpower, friendships, and inner fortitude!
I learned that it takes real people who love me to kick me in the butt and keep me going. I have to give mad props to my workout and ultimate accountability partner: Kahyla! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gone to the gym 2 days last week. There were some days I wanted to punch a wall, and days that I actually punched a wall! There were days that I broke down, and spilled my most inner weaknesses with close friends. And aside from detoxing from the additives and yuckiness in processed foods...I detoxed from some people in my life that were not adding to my happiness, but keeping me from focusing on my goals!
SO: It was a very productive, and inspiring week for me!
The results are as follows: (And these are my personal results only)
Weight Lost 7lbs!
Inches Lost 12 Total!
Whoop Whoop! It was worth all of my while and struggle and persistance. I was worth it! And I am going to keep on going! I have added back regular lean proteins now, and healthy grains. I replaced fatty foods with lower-fat foods, and kicked sugar to the curb! I don't have the crazy cravings, and I allow myself one "cheat" meal a week so I don't feel so deprived. My ultimate goal is 80 lbs by 10-10-10! I will have turned 30 then, I WILL be fabulous!
Now, as for the other things going on...
Detoxing and getting healthy physically has forced me to start working on myself internally. I have found that gym time is a good time to gather my thoughts, and think about 'things'. I have learned that I am an avoider! I avoid the inevitable, including myself, and I don't like it! I try to distract myself and my thoughts by surrounding myself with people and events...and up until last Saturday...it worked. Without divulging too much information, I will just say that I got a reality slap in the face! I realized how dependent I was becoming on one certain person to make me feel like I was worth something. However, since then I realize that my worth has to come from within. My confidence can only come from me. Not someone else. It's not fair to either party involved. Especially when the other party knows you are that type of person. It adds unwanted stress to the relationship, and it never ends well. So, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is partly why I haven't written anything) and have decided that I am going to become happy with just me. No dependence on anything or any one person. I will break free of this, and learn to love myself for who I really am. And while I am on that path...I am going to have a dang good time!
Again, here's to the journey....a rather long one ahead...but a journey nonetheless!
So I am going to blog about the results of my detox first!
Let me just say that last week was so hard, but very rewarding! Several things were tested: my patience, willpower, friendships, and inner fortitude!
I learned that it takes real people who love me to kick me in the butt and keep me going. I have to give mad props to my workout and ultimate accountability partner: Kahyla! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have gone to the gym 2 days last week. There were some days I wanted to punch a wall, and days that I actually punched a wall! There were days that I broke down, and spilled my most inner weaknesses with close friends. And aside from detoxing from the additives and yuckiness in processed foods...I detoxed from some people in my life that were not adding to my happiness, but keeping me from focusing on my goals!
SO: It was a very productive, and inspiring week for me!
The results are as follows: (And these are my personal results only)
Weight Lost 7lbs!
Inches Lost 12 Total!
Whoop Whoop! It was worth all of my while and struggle and persistance. I was worth it! And I am going to keep on going! I have added back regular lean proteins now, and healthy grains. I replaced fatty foods with lower-fat foods, and kicked sugar to the curb! I don't have the crazy cravings, and I allow myself one "cheat" meal a week so I don't feel so deprived. My ultimate goal is 80 lbs by 10-10-10! I will have turned 30 then, I WILL be fabulous!
Now, as for the other things going on...
Detoxing and getting healthy physically has forced me to start working on myself internally. I have found that gym time is a good time to gather my thoughts, and think about 'things'. I have learned that I am an avoider! I avoid the inevitable, including myself, and I don't like it! I try to distract myself and my thoughts by surrounding myself with people and events...and up until last Saturday...it worked. Without divulging too much information, I will just say that I got a reality slap in the face! I realized how dependent I was becoming on one certain person to make me feel like I was worth something. However, since then I realize that my worth has to come from within. My confidence can only come from me. Not someone else. It's not fair to either party involved. Especially when the other party knows you are that type of person. It adds unwanted stress to the relationship, and it never ends well. So, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is partly why I haven't written anything) and have decided that I am going to become happy with just me. No dependence on anything or any one person. I will break free of this, and learn to love myself for who I really am. And while I am on that path...I am going to have a dang good time!
Again, here's to the journey....a rather long one ahead...but a journey nonetheless!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Dear endorphins, thank you for being my friend!
Wow! Can I just say how AWESOME I feel today? Ok, I feel AWESOME! Tonight marks the 3rd night of the detox, and I couldn't be any better! What is even more amazing is that I am liking it! Seriously, I never thought I would enjoy eating just fruits and vegetables and the occasional protein shake, but I LOVE it!
I have got to say that I am so proud of myself. For so long, I have wanted to have the "mind over matter mindset" when it came to "dieting" or getting healthy. And for so long I have feared that I wouldn't be able to do it. That I would fail like I had so many times before. (And I know some of you out there are thinking...but lady...this is only the 3rd day!) Let me be a little defensive here: for those of you that know me, and know me well...you would know that I consume all of my bad calories through my drinks. I used to have about 64 ounces of coke per day! This is not including the sugary tea I would drink in the morning or at meal time. Seriously. What was I thinking? I really thought the caffeine headache would be a killer, but it really wasn't. I had a headache for two days, and finally woke up this morning and it was gone! I haven't even craved a coke or a glass of tea. The funny part is, I find myself drinking water like a camel, and the more water I drink, the less I want it flavored. Go figure. I'm just feel so accomplished already! I am defeating this dependency on food, and sugar, and the unnecessary!
On top of all this, I mentioned that I had joined the gym with my friend Kahyla. Love it! We have gone every day this week so far, and I actually am getting to the point where I look forward to it! I LOVE my endorphin rush! For about 2 hours after working out, I have the best energy spike, and feel sooooo good! Whoooo Hooooo! :)
Ok, so now onto a more serious note:
I have joined with some awesome scientifically backed researchers, and become an IBO for a company called Qivana. These products are amazing! If you want to lose weight, become healthy, and make money...you need to contact me. This company is new, and now is the time to get involved! Who wouldn't have wanted to be involved in the beginning stages of Microsoft, or Mary Kay? We'd all be sipping our favorite drinks and lounging somewhere tropical right now! This is where this company is headed. Let me also say that I am the biggest skeptic there is out there for "pills" or "magic weight loss". Especially with my degree in Exercise Science and Wellness and an emphasis on nutrition...I would always say..."eat right and exercise." However, I have personally done the research, and I can tell you that there is nothing not natural in these supplements. Here's a scary fact: obesity can shorten a person's life by 12 years! That's a lot of time. I don't know about you, but I could use an extra 12 years!
So, here's to the journey folks...will you join me?
Thanks to all my words of encouragement, comments, and posts. I greatly appreciate everyone, and I am forever grateful to all of my supporters, family, and friends.
Let's keep on walking!
I have got to say that I am so proud of myself. For so long, I have wanted to have the "mind over matter mindset" when it came to "dieting" or getting healthy. And for so long I have feared that I wouldn't be able to do it. That I would fail like I had so many times before. (And I know some of you out there are thinking...but lady...this is only the 3rd day!) Let me be a little defensive here: for those of you that know me, and know me well...you would know that I consume all of my bad calories through my drinks. I used to have about 64 ounces of coke per day! This is not including the sugary tea I would drink in the morning or at meal time. Seriously. What was I thinking? I really thought the caffeine headache would be a killer, but it really wasn't. I had a headache for two days, and finally woke up this morning and it was gone! I haven't even craved a coke or a glass of tea. The funny part is, I find myself drinking water like a camel, and the more water I drink, the less I want it flavored. Go figure. I'm just feel so accomplished already! I am defeating this dependency on food, and sugar, and the unnecessary!
On top of all this, I mentioned that I had joined the gym with my friend Kahyla. Love it! We have gone every day this week so far, and I actually am getting to the point where I look forward to it! I LOVE my endorphin rush! For about 2 hours after working out, I have the best energy spike, and feel sooooo good! Whoooo Hooooo! :)
Ok, so now onto a more serious note:
I have joined with some awesome scientifically backed researchers, and become an IBO for a company called Qivana. These products are amazing! If you want to lose weight, become healthy, and make money...you need to contact me. This company is new, and now is the time to get involved! Who wouldn't have wanted to be involved in the beginning stages of Microsoft, or Mary Kay? We'd all be sipping our favorite drinks and lounging somewhere tropical right now! This is where this company is headed. Let me also say that I am the biggest skeptic there is out there for "pills" or "magic weight loss". Especially with my degree in Exercise Science and Wellness and an emphasis on nutrition...I would always say..."eat right and exercise." However, I have personally done the research, and I can tell you that there is nothing not natural in these supplements. Here's a scary fact: obesity can shorten a person's life by 12 years! That's a lot of time. I don't know about you, but I could use an extra 12 years!
So, here's to the journey folks...will you join me?
Thanks to all my words of encouragement, comments, and posts. I greatly appreciate everyone, and I am forever grateful to all of my supporters, family, and friends.
Let's keep on walking!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Detox, Detox, Detox!
I have been reading an awesome book by Christine Clifford, whom I saw at Tanner Medical Center, at a Celebrating Life Seminar last week. The name of the book is motivation in itself: Inspiring Breakthrough Secrets to Live Your Dreams!
In the first Chapter of the book, you have to do this exercise. You have to ask yourself one question: What is your most inspirational dream? You are then to concentrate on this and envision yourself on a life-size screen, only brighter. You are to settle into rhythmic breathing and keep the question quiet in your mind. You are to listen to yourself - not try to force any answer to your question, or try to make something sound "good". Usually, it's the first answer that pops into your head. So, what was my question? WHO AM I? And the answer: I am happy. I am full of life. I have a lot to offer. I am deep. That's all I got out of the one minute I had to do the exercise, but it got me thinking. The person I envisioned in my head was me, a life-size bright version of me, but I was BEAMING with joy! That encapsulates me in so many ways. I am genuinely happy, but there is a lot of things that I am working on.
And that brings me to my detox. I have always wanted one thing so badly in my adult life. And that is to be healthy! I am going to turn the big 3-0 this year! GASP! But I want to be in the best shape of my life by then and look the best I have ever looked, and get this: I AM GONNA DO IT!
So, my first step is to detox! I need to reprogram my taste buds so that regular food actually tastes good. So, I have begun the detox today. I was hating myself about 7:00 tonight, but with some great encouragement, and some down-right in-your-faceness, I pressed through. The plan to detox is this: For 7 full days, I will eat only fresh fruits and vegetables. I will supplement with a protein shake once per day (because I am working out as well), and detox my self of everything! Caffeine, salt, additives, etc. I do have a slight headache, but I can manage it, because I feel so clean already! I am drinking nothing but water, and joined the gym as well. I know that this is going to be a long week, but I am welcoming the challenge.
I have affirmations posted on the refrigerator to help me get through. Today's was: I welcome challenges, for this is how I grow the most. I think that is the most appropriate affirmation I could think of since I was starting the "challenge" today. The biggest challenge though, is myself. I know that a lot of this is mental, and I am going to have to press through! Wish me luck, my faithful readers...I am going to need it this week!
I'll update as the week goes along!
Walking uphill in the journey right now, but at least I am walking!!! :)
In the first Chapter of the book, you have to do this exercise. You have to ask yourself one question: What is your most inspirational dream? You are then to concentrate on this and envision yourself on a life-size screen, only brighter. You are to settle into rhythmic breathing and keep the question quiet in your mind. You are to listen to yourself - not try to force any answer to your question, or try to make something sound "good". Usually, it's the first answer that pops into your head. So, what was my question? WHO AM I? And the answer: I am happy. I am full of life. I have a lot to offer. I am deep. That's all I got out of the one minute I had to do the exercise, but it got me thinking. The person I envisioned in my head was me, a life-size bright version of me, but I was BEAMING with joy! That encapsulates me in so many ways. I am genuinely happy, but there is a lot of things that I am working on.
And that brings me to my detox. I have always wanted one thing so badly in my adult life. And that is to be healthy! I am going to turn the big 3-0 this year! GASP! But I want to be in the best shape of my life by then and look the best I have ever looked, and get this: I AM GONNA DO IT!
So, my first step is to detox! I need to reprogram my taste buds so that regular food actually tastes good. So, I have begun the detox today. I was hating myself about 7:00 tonight, but with some great encouragement, and some down-right in-your-faceness, I pressed through. The plan to detox is this: For 7 full days, I will eat only fresh fruits and vegetables. I will supplement with a protein shake once per day (because I am working out as well), and detox my self of everything! Caffeine, salt, additives, etc. I do have a slight headache, but I can manage it, because I feel so clean already! I am drinking nothing but water, and joined the gym as well. I know that this is going to be a long week, but I am welcoming the challenge.
I have affirmations posted on the refrigerator to help me get through. Today's was: I welcome challenges, for this is how I grow the most. I think that is the most appropriate affirmation I could think of since I was starting the "challenge" today. The biggest challenge though, is myself. I know that a lot of this is mental, and I am going to have to press through! Wish me luck, my faithful readers...I am going to need it this week!
I'll update as the week goes along!
Walking uphill in the journey right now, but at least I am walking!!! :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
10 Things
Hello my long lost friends! It seems like its been an eternity since I sat down to write. But trust me, there has been so much going on, and I have wanted to write so badly lately, but my bed was just sooooo comfortable, and I was just soooooo darn tired! :) Please forgive me!
Aaaahheeemm: Let's see....where shall we start?
First of all I need to get some stuff off my mind. I keep saying to myself as these things keep creeping back in "I need to blog about that" and when I finally sit down to blog, I think..." but lord, that will be a novel!" So, I have decided to make a list! (Thanks Heather, grocerystorelife.blogspot.com)
1. I am constantly afraid that I am not going to remember something. Like a word of note, or a song lyric, or something profound and of importance. I keep saying...write that down, Amy. But I never do! (Any suggestions?) Do you guys worry about that too? And if you do, what do you do about it?
2. I became an overnight plumber! It was a hillarious story that I will have to diverge more detail in later, but let's just say this: took my sink apart, couldn't put it back together, found out what a "pipe snake" was, used said "pipe snake", sewage all over me and the ground, and the sink, and the floor. Yep. Just imagine it. Nuff said!
3. Love, Love Love my job! Did I mention that I love my job? Love it! I have become so involved with the community here! I have already been elected as a chairperson on the Council for the Aging as the fundraising coordinator! Fun stuff! And I have met some key people here who have just catapulted me in the right direction! And my boss rocks!
4. I have deemed this year (once again) the year that I am going to be my healthiest and thinnest and hottest! In that order. Heath first, thinner next, and hot if I'm lucky! So to execute such plan, my sister and friend Kahyla are beginning working out at a place called Wonder Women! The name is enough motivation in itself! Go me! So there, its out to the public now, so I can't back down!
5. I still miss home, but I am beginning to like it here more and more. The single life is fun again, finally. I am just itching to see what is around the next bend! So much to discover!
6. I am going to make a list of 10 things I can do this year to cross off my to-do fun-stuff list. I know a couple right now: go on a hot air balloon ride, ride a horse, do one of those fake bull-ride thingamajigeys, and go to an awesome concert.
7. I saw an awesome speaker tonight at Tanner Health Systems. Her name was Christine Clifford, and she is a cancer survivor. Ironically, this past monday, I went to visit my mother's grave. She passed of cancer when I was 14 years old. I guess it had been like 10 years or more since I had been to her grave. The best part of the whole trip was meeting a little old man there. His wife had died about 2 years ago, and her grave was covered in a plethora of roses! He brought her one everyday or a bouquet once a week. They had been married for 60 years, and he still cried when he talked about her death. I hope to find a love like that one day.
8. I have seen more possums here than I have underwear! Oh, and I hit one and a raccoon one night on the same street. Within 10 minutes of each other.
9. I am going to start doing a new recipe of the week. Preferably low calorie and low fat! So, if you have any awesome recipes to share...send em my way. I'll post pics and variations, and my true opinion of the dish. Hmmmm...let's call it...the dish on the dish. Sound good?
10. I love all of you readers out there!
So, there you have it folks. My life in 10 short bullet points. (Oh! speaking of bullets, Ryan and Kahyla are taking me to the shooting range to shoot my first gun. Eeeek. I'm sooo excited about that!)
The best is yet to come!
Aaaahheeemm: Let's see....where shall we start?
First of all I need to get some stuff off my mind. I keep saying to myself as these things keep creeping back in "I need to blog about that" and when I finally sit down to blog, I think..." but lord, that will be a novel!" So, I have decided to make a list! (Thanks Heather, grocerystorelife.blogspot.com)
1. I am constantly afraid that I am not going to remember something. Like a word of note, or a song lyric, or something profound and of importance. I keep saying...write that down, Amy. But I never do! (Any suggestions?) Do you guys worry about that too? And if you do, what do you do about it?
2. I became an overnight plumber! It was a hillarious story that I will have to diverge more detail in later, but let's just say this: took my sink apart, couldn't put it back together, found out what a "pipe snake" was, used said "pipe snake", sewage all over me and the ground, and the sink, and the floor. Yep. Just imagine it. Nuff said!
3. Love, Love Love my job! Did I mention that I love my job? Love it! I have become so involved with the community here! I have already been elected as a chairperson on the Council for the Aging as the fundraising coordinator! Fun stuff! And I have met some key people here who have just catapulted me in the right direction! And my boss rocks!
4. I have deemed this year (once again) the year that I am going to be my healthiest and thinnest and hottest! In that order. Heath first, thinner next, and hot if I'm lucky! So to execute such plan, my sister and friend Kahyla are beginning working out at a place called Wonder Women! The name is enough motivation in itself! Go me! So there, its out to the public now, so I can't back down!
5. I still miss home, but I am beginning to like it here more and more. The single life is fun again, finally. I am just itching to see what is around the next bend! So much to discover!
6. I am going to make a list of 10 things I can do this year to cross off my to-do fun-stuff list. I know a couple right now: go on a hot air balloon ride, ride a horse, do one of those fake bull-ride thingamajigeys, and go to an awesome concert.
7. I saw an awesome speaker tonight at Tanner Health Systems. Her name was Christine Clifford, and she is a cancer survivor. Ironically, this past monday, I went to visit my mother's grave. She passed of cancer when I was 14 years old. I guess it had been like 10 years or more since I had been to her grave. The best part of the whole trip was meeting a little old man there. His wife had died about 2 years ago, and her grave was covered in a plethora of roses! He brought her one everyday or a bouquet once a week. They had been married for 60 years, and he still cried when he talked about her death. I hope to find a love like that one day.
8. I have seen more possums here than I have underwear! Oh, and I hit one and a raccoon one night on the same street. Within 10 minutes of each other.
9. I am going to start doing a new recipe of the week. Preferably low calorie and low fat! So, if you have any awesome recipes to share...send em my way. I'll post pics and variations, and my true opinion of the dish. Hmmmm...let's call it...the dish on the dish. Sound good?
10. I love all of you readers out there!
So, there you have it folks. My life in 10 short bullet points. (Oh! speaking of bullets, Ryan and Kahyla are taking me to the shooting range to shoot my first gun. Eeeek. I'm sooo excited about that!)
The best is yet to come!
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sifting
So I don't know where to start, or what direction to take in this post tonight. I just know that I need to write and sift through some emotions and thoughts.
First off, let me just say that there have been some changes in my current living situation. I am now living with my friend Kahyla in Georgia. Sigh...I am a traveling gypsy, and I swear I will never get settled. I am bummed that I couldn't live with my sister, but Pete (the dog) was not a good situation there, and I just can't bear to get rid of him. He is one of the only things that remind me of home, and I just can't do it! Yeah, and that's a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately. Home. I do miss my cozy little house, and living alone at times. But like tonight, I came "home" and cooked for Kahyla and Ryan. It felt good to have someone to cook for again, and it made me happy! (And it was delicious, might I add!) But there's just something about walking back into my house that puts me at ease everytime I go. I know its because I am "comfortable" there, and definitely because I know my way around MUCH better there. I guess I am just still trying to adapt and adjust to living here in Georgia. Not to mention that my focus this whole week has been a lot of new stuff. New job. New place. Another new place. Half my stuff in Alabama. Half my stuff in Georgia. Etc, etc. So I guess feeling unsettled is normal and natural at this point, and the more I am here, the better it will get. The funny part of all of this is that I have dreamed of a new place to live. I always thought that I would embrace the strangeness of all of it, and see it as opportunity; as I do. However, fear keeps trying to creep back in. The "what ifs" are trying to take over, and my head gets in the way of looking at the positive. Maybe I am just thinking too much.
And that's another thing. This thinking all the time. If there is one major thing that I don't like about myself, its definitely over-thinking everything. I over think and over-analyze everything, and it drives me crazy at times. I wish I could be more of a "simple-minded" person, but I never have been. It is both a curse and a blessing, I guess. So, what do I do when I start over-thinking? I write. And I probably write more than anyone wants to read, but it helps to get it out of my head. It helps me to focus. That's all I really want to do. Just focus on one thing at a time. But where to start, and what is the plan? And how shall I exucute said plan? And when? And with whom? Blah, blah blah. Psshbbbptt!
Lets see..what else? Oh! Goals! Yes, those sneaky little pesky goals of mine that I have stuck in the back of my mind. Waiting. On what? I have no clue. I set so many of them all at the same time, that I become overwhelmed and want to accomplish all of them instantly. And let's face it, goals are meant to be worked towards. Not provide instant gratification. That's it. Instant gratification. That's what I want, and when I can't get it, I become out of control. Anyone who knows me well, and I'm speaking to myself here, knows that I don't like to be out of control. I like to know who I am and where I am headed. And quite frankly, those are two subjects I know little about right now. I know that I am on a path to self discovery, and I know I am headed to good places. But when and how will I know that I have "reached" my destination or discovered who I really am? Isn't people and your influences that shape you to be who you are anyway? And if that is a fact, then who are we all really? Replicas of whom?
For my readers out there, I apologize for the overly long blog post this time...but I had to get some of this out. I am always afraid of forgetting stuff, and I knew if I kept letting my thoughts build...I would forget some of the things I was wanting to write. The sad part is, there is so much more, but I am not writing a novel here. So, I will just end it now. More to come. Hopefully with much more inspiration and insight.
P.S. A lady bug just flew down and landed on my laptop...sweet.
First off, let me just say that there have been some changes in my current living situation. I am now living with my friend Kahyla in Georgia. Sigh...I am a traveling gypsy, and I swear I will never get settled. I am bummed that I couldn't live with my sister, but Pete (the dog) was not a good situation there, and I just can't bear to get rid of him. He is one of the only things that remind me of home, and I just can't do it! Yeah, and that's a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately. Home. I do miss my cozy little house, and living alone at times. But like tonight, I came "home" and cooked for Kahyla and Ryan. It felt good to have someone to cook for again, and it made me happy! (And it was delicious, might I add!) But there's just something about walking back into my house that puts me at ease everytime I go. I know its because I am "comfortable" there, and definitely because I know my way around MUCH better there. I guess I am just still trying to adapt and adjust to living here in Georgia. Not to mention that my focus this whole week has been a lot of new stuff. New job. New place. Another new place. Half my stuff in Alabama. Half my stuff in Georgia. Etc, etc. So I guess feeling unsettled is normal and natural at this point, and the more I am here, the better it will get. The funny part of all of this is that I have dreamed of a new place to live. I always thought that I would embrace the strangeness of all of it, and see it as opportunity; as I do. However, fear keeps trying to creep back in. The "what ifs" are trying to take over, and my head gets in the way of looking at the positive. Maybe I am just thinking too much.
And that's another thing. This thinking all the time. If there is one major thing that I don't like about myself, its definitely over-thinking everything. I over think and over-analyze everything, and it drives me crazy at times. I wish I could be more of a "simple-minded" person, but I never have been. It is both a curse and a blessing, I guess. So, what do I do when I start over-thinking? I write. And I probably write more than anyone wants to read, but it helps to get it out of my head. It helps me to focus. That's all I really want to do. Just focus on one thing at a time. But where to start, and what is the plan? And how shall I exucute said plan? And when? And with whom? Blah, blah blah. Psshbbbptt!
Lets see..what else? Oh! Goals! Yes, those sneaky little pesky goals of mine that I have stuck in the back of my mind. Waiting. On what? I have no clue. I set so many of them all at the same time, that I become overwhelmed and want to accomplish all of them instantly. And let's face it, goals are meant to be worked towards. Not provide instant gratification. That's it. Instant gratification. That's what I want, and when I can't get it, I become out of control. Anyone who knows me well, and I'm speaking to myself here, knows that I don't like to be out of control. I like to know who I am and where I am headed. And quite frankly, those are two subjects I know little about right now. I know that I am on a path to self discovery, and I know I am headed to good places. But when and how will I know that I have "reached" my destination or discovered who I really am? Isn't people and your influences that shape you to be who you are anyway? And if that is a fact, then who are we all really? Replicas of whom?
For my readers out there, I apologize for the overly long blog post this time...but I had to get some of this out. I am always afraid of forgetting stuff, and I knew if I kept letting my thoughts build...I would forget some of the things I was wanting to write. The sad part is, there is so much more, but I am not writing a novel here. So, I will just end it now. More to come. Hopefully with much more inspiration and insight.
P.S. A lady bug just flew down and landed on my laptop...sweet.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Girl, Interrupted
Since my last post, I have been through a whirlwind of emotions! If you read the last post, I think you will see that I was rather torn about the move and the bittersweetness of it all. Then Monday came. Wow. Monday left me feeling even more frustrated and lost, than ever! I felt a bit "fuzzy headed" that morning when I woke up. Possibly nerves. Possibly lack of sleep. What ever it was, I just couldn't seem to form a logical sentence all day long. It felt as though I had so much going on in my head that at any point in time, my head would explode. Yeah. Not good. I went on into work, which I thought would take about 30 minutes to get to. Um, obviously, that didn't happen. Almost an HOUR later I get to where I am supposed to be, and not because I got lost, believe it or not. Because it was that far. However, thankfully, I will not have to go to the office but about once a week, and the majority of my appointments will be set from home. I really am excited about working from home. In addition to all of that the county that I will be working is rather large, but is only about a 20 minute drive from where I am staying. By the way, I am staying in the small town of Temple GA, about 25 minutes from Douglasville, and 40 minutes from Atlanta! I love being so close to the city, but still having the feel of a small town.
Anyway, my frustration yesterday, stemmed from several different things. However, none of them are important now, and I have been able to sift through all of the emotion. I did get my Garmin up and working, and I think that will be one of the most helpful tools I have in "finding" my way around.
Today is a great day! I had a rather productive and much needed B2B meeting this morning at a quaint little restaurant called the Olivetree. It helped my feeling so much to be able to interact with people, and focus on my job at hand. I made several great contacts that I will be able to build upon as time goes on. Everyone is so welcoming here, especially towards the girl from Alabama!
I am so excited about the countless opportunities that this place holds for me. Oh! And I haven't even mentioned the shopping! I am going to have to stick to my very strict budget there, but my lord...there's a million different things here to do. I almost feel overwhelmed because I want to go discover them all at once! Like a great friend said yesterday, "Amy, you didn't even wiggle your toe in the water first...you jumped in with both feet first." Yep, that's me. Jump first...ask questions later. And I like it!
Here's to the journey and self discovery!
Anyway, my frustration yesterday, stemmed from several different things. However, none of them are important now, and I have been able to sift through all of the emotion. I did get my Garmin up and working, and I think that will be one of the most helpful tools I have in "finding" my way around.
Today is a great day! I had a rather productive and much needed B2B meeting this morning at a quaint little restaurant called the Olivetree. It helped my feeling so much to be able to interact with people, and focus on my job at hand. I made several great contacts that I will be able to build upon as time goes on. Everyone is so welcoming here, especially towards the girl from Alabama!
I am so excited about the countless opportunities that this place holds for me. Oh! And I haven't even mentioned the shopping! I am going to have to stick to my very strict budget there, but my lord...there's a million different things here to do. I almost feel overwhelmed because I want to go discover them all at once! Like a great friend said yesterday, "Amy, you didn't even wiggle your toe in the water first...you jumped in with both feet first." Yep, that's me. Jump first...ask questions later. And I like it!
Here's to the journey and self discovery!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Where is Home?
So, tonight I moved my stuff to Georgia. BIG sigh here! I am excited, however, everything is bittersweet! As I was packing up my clothes and things, I came across so many memories, and I couldn't help but cry. I have been wanting to move out of the little town of Weaver Alabama for quite sometime now, but now that it is here...there are so many things buzzing in my head.
I had a talk with my Mamma this afternoon. I realized that she and my dad weren't going to be an easy 10 minutes away any longer. I was so ashamed that I hadn't visited them more being so close. I guess you just take for granted the time you have. I will miss being able to jump in my car and head over there when I felt the urge...now it will be a planned trip. Another big sigh.
I guess I am just spinning because everything has happened so fast! On Friday, I had an interview, and I start the job on Monday. I haven't really had any time to process my feelings about this...but as I told a good friend...I am a big girl. I am pulling myself up by my bootstrings and marching on. Its all I know to do at this point.
On a happier note...I did get to my very generous sister's house and finally got settled in. She has gone way out of her way to make me comfortable here, and I am so grateful for that. Pete seems to have adjusted well too. (for those of you who don't know...pete is my 12 year old mini-daushaund).
I know all of this is going to be a big adjustment. Starting a new job, living in a new place with people again, being in a new and unfamiliar city. But its fresh...it's new. It's what I wanted. It's time to make some new kick ass memories and make the best of what is to come. Again, here's to the journey, and seeing what is around the next bend!
I had a talk with my Mamma this afternoon. I realized that she and my dad weren't going to be an easy 10 minutes away any longer. I was so ashamed that I hadn't visited them more being so close. I guess you just take for granted the time you have. I will miss being able to jump in my car and head over there when I felt the urge...now it will be a planned trip. Another big sigh.
I guess I am just spinning because everything has happened so fast! On Friday, I had an interview, and I start the job on Monday. I haven't really had any time to process my feelings about this...but as I told a good friend...I am a big girl. I am pulling myself up by my bootstrings and marching on. Its all I know to do at this point.
On a happier note...I did get to my very generous sister's house and finally got settled in. She has gone way out of her way to make me comfortable here, and I am so grateful for that. Pete seems to have adjusted well too. (for those of you who don't know...pete is my 12 year old mini-daushaund).
I know all of this is going to be a big adjustment. Starting a new job, living in a new place with people again, being in a new and unfamiliar city. But its fresh...it's new. It's what I wanted. It's time to make some new kick ass memories and make the best of what is to come. Again, here's to the journey, and seeing what is around the next bend!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Chance Times Two
How lucky can one girl get? I mean, if I get any luckier, I might need to join a professional gambling team and just make my living that way! (I think I just made up "professional gambling team") All kidding aside, I am the luckiest gal ever! Not too long ago (August 13th, 2009) I got a second chance at life. At the literal sense of the word "life". I had heart surgery (see post below) and literally was dead on a table for a while. I know. I researched, I cried, I talked to friends, I panicked, I planned my death. I cried some more....until I woke up 3 weeks after recovery. It was a normal Friday. I had been anticipating feeling better for quite some time now...like immediate energy after heart surgery or something. Psh. But, nonetheless, my energy came to me on this glorious Friday. I woke up and smiled. I felt good. I realized (through the haze of pain meds) that I actually had a second chance at this life I had been living. And that's where it all changed. A good friend of mine had turned me on to the song "unwritten" by Natasha Beddingfield, and I listened and DANCED to it over and over and over and over. Until my husband pleaded for me to not listen to it any longer. The song seemed to incapsulate where I was at that given point. New. Unwritten. Pen in my hand. WOW! I now had the chance to write the rest of my life's story without fear, without "what ifs". And so really, that's where the second lucky part comes into play...
So, through a whirlwind of months...as stated before...recovering and a divorce...and re-discovering myself again. Finding myself. Trusting myself. Believing in myself. Again. I have searched out and landed a NEW fresh start of my life. One that I am most excited about. I am going to move out of Alabama, and to a whole 'nother state! Not far away, granted, but a new place. Fresh. Insert big white blank label here. And the best and craziest part of it all is that everything worked itself out. I didn't dig for it. It came to me. I made one call that led to many others, and finally not one...but 2 jobs in Georgia. Doing the same thing that I did in Alabama, but on a much bigger scale, and for a lot more pay! yay! I can't help but smile right now. And dang it, I deserve that!
It may sound like I have it all figured out...and trust me, I don't. However, I am excited about the new discoveries I am about to make. New people. New ownership of a home. I antcipate much needed growth personally, and am looking forward to it. I am in the best years of my life, and I refuse to live simply and comfortably anymore. Sure, things will be a little hairy until I secure a place to live, (I'll be traveling until my home sells in Alabama) and I'm sure I'll get stressed...but as a friend and I have cheered to recently....Here's to the journey!
So, through a whirlwind of months...as stated before...recovering and a divorce...and re-discovering myself again. Finding myself. Trusting myself. Believing in myself. Again. I have searched out and landed a NEW fresh start of my life. One that I am most excited about. I am going to move out of Alabama, and to a whole 'nother state! Not far away, granted, but a new place. Fresh. Insert big white blank label here. And the best and craziest part of it all is that everything worked itself out. I didn't dig for it. It came to me. I made one call that led to many others, and finally not one...but 2 jobs in Georgia. Doing the same thing that I did in Alabama, but on a much bigger scale, and for a lot more pay! yay! I can't help but smile right now. And dang it, I deserve that!
It may sound like I have it all figured out...and trust me, I don't. However, I am excited about the new discoveries I am about to make. New people. New ownership of a home. I antcipate much needed growth personally, and am looking forward to it. I am in the best years of my life, and I refuse to live simply and comfortably anymore. Sure, things will be a little hairy until I secure a place to live, (I'll be traveling until my home sells in Alabama) and I'm sure I'll get stressed...but as a friend and I have cheered to recently....Here's to the journey!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
New Year, New YOU!
Okay, so officially it has been 6 months since I have written one single word. I am ashamed. However, like a lot of you, I have been journaling! So there. That counts, right?
Anywho, I am feeling back to writing publicly again. Lots has changed within the last 6 months. I have experienced some exuberant times, heartache, and I think I reached my lowest point I have ever reached in my life. In short, and there is more to come later, I have been on life's great rollercoaster. But now, it's a new year and a new, fresh start. I'm excited! I am finally getting to close some major chapters in my life. I refuse to reopen some parts of my past "book" and am looking forward to seeing what 2010 brings.
So, what in the world has happened in the last 6 months?
1. I had open heart surgery! (Yeah, the crack your chest open kind)
2. I got a divorce. (Not a bad thing, and he is still a friend...I will not bash him or his family, so don't ask!)
3. Do we really need a numero 3?
Yeah, that's enough to talk about there. But for now, I am going to focus on the positive. That's all I know to do. One thing is for sure: my family and my friends have been the best family and friends I could ask for. I wouldn't know what to do without my mama. Lord, she is my rock! (Thank you mama!)
I'll update with the story of the heart surgery my next post, and will diverge some really hillarious stories there. I also have pictures that I might post as well, so for those that are faint of heart or just don't want to see blood, you might want to skip that blog.
So, being the new year and all, I have decided to not set any resolutions. I know my resolve is strong, and therefore I am committing myself to the following:
1. Live life! (it's too short, and trust me I know!)
2. Love often and without hesitation.
3. Cook organically.
4. Learn to play the guitar.
5. Travel more.
6. Get Healthy
7. Take ballroom/salsa/bellydancing lessons.
8. Stay focused.
9. Join a softball team
10. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.
Here's to a great 2010!
Anywho, I am feeling back to writing publicly again. Lots has changed within the last 6 months. I have experienced some exuberant times, heartache, and I think I reached my lowest point I have ever reached in my life. In short, and there is more to come later, I have been on life's great rollercoaster. But now, it's a new year and a new, fresh start. I'm excited! I am finally getting to close some major chapters in my life. I refuse to reopen some parts of my past "book" and am looking forward to seeing what 2010 brings.
So, what in the world has happened in the last 6 months?
1. I had open heart surgery! (Yeah, the crack your chest open kind)
2. I got a divorce. (Not a bad thing, and he is still a friend...I will not bash him or his family, so don't ask!)
3. Do we really need a numero 3?
Yeah, that's enough to talk about there. But for now, I am going to focus on the positive. That's all I know to do. One thing is for sure: my family and my friends have been the best family and friends I could ask for. I wouldn't know what to do without my mama. Lord, she is my rock! (Thank you mama!)
I'll update with the story of the heart surgery my next post, and will diverge some really hillarious stories there. I also have pictures that I might post as well, so for those that are faint of heart or just don't want to see blood, you might want to skip that blog.
So, being the new year and all, I have decided to not set any resolutions. I know my resolve is strong, and therefore I am committing myself to the following:
1. Live life! (it's too short, and trust me I know!)
2. Love often and without hesitation.
3. Cook organically.
4. Learn to play the guitar.
5. Travel more.
6. Get Healthy
7. Take ballroom/salsa/bellydancing lessons.
8. Stay focused.
9. Join a softball team
10. Rinse, Wash, Repeat.
Here's to a great 2010!
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